Guess I'm just being " Silly "

Discussion in 'Songwriting Forum' started by Wiiy Kuo, Nov 11, 2021.

  1. Wiiy Kuo

    Wiiy Kuo New Member

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    How to rewrite my life book? How to remove the silly parts of it? Or should we keep it all as souvenirs?

    >>> https://soundcloud.com/user-54415704/silly

    >>> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bw0lDmRMzOg

    Verse1:
    Silly time I was in love, I ran away cuz that hurt, I didn't cry for us, I don't care if you left first
    Dazzling eyes lighted my world, long time ago you were here, we held hands together, then you said no no no it's all over

    Pre-chorus:
    But why I keep thinking of you still beside me
    The pages of my life book start to remove you from every chapter
    Now I'm getting tired of diving into dark deep
    I cannot be waiting for you to say the word you loved me too

    Chorus:
    Too hard to hold you, you still have a place in
    In my heart, yes I know, I'm just being silly
    I'm silly, I'm silly, I'm silly

    Verse2:
    Silly me and perfect you, we not matched, it's kinda blue, I had tried to learn, I don't mean you didn't give a care
    Oh I took a flight to the place where you lived, but you weren't there, we were lying together, then you said no no no it's all over

    Pre-chorus:
    But why I keep thinking of you still beside me
    The pages of my life book start to remove you from every chapter
    Now I'm getting tired of diving into dark deep
    I cannot be waiting for you to say the word you loved me too

    Bridge(x2):
    Silly me, silly me, silly me, baby
    Silly time, silly time, silly time, yeah yeah
    I ran away cuz it hurt

    https://www.willykuomusic.com/original-music
  2. Qete

    Qete New Member

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    I think it is less the lyrics causing the issue than the melodic development. The pre-chorus flows nicely into the chorus but you're otherwise lacking motifs. The chorus works because it has the melodic flow (high note sustained, lower notes with more movement, high note sustained, lower notes with movement etc). The verses don't have any part that makes the lyric stick in your head. It's not the words but the note choices and timings of notes.

    Look at artists you admire and see how they phrase melodies and compare to your own. Play them on an instrument while you sing them.
  3. Wiiy Kuo

    Wiiy Kuo New Member

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    Thx for your review =) I'll keep the note!
  4. -mjk-

    -mjk- Moderator Staff Member

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  5. Wiiy Kuo

    Wiiy Kuo New Member

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    @-mjk- YES, currently I'm located in Taipei, Taiwan.
    -mjk- likes this.
  6. BazzBass

    BazzBass Well-Known Member

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    your vocals drown out the music, not that there is much going on there

    needs work
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2021
  7. Wiiy Kuo

    Wiiy Kuo New Member

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    @BazzBass thx for your review pal =))), I'll keep that in mind!
  8. -mjk-

    -mjk- Moderator Staff Member

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    You can see where I am in my signature. I'll take a listen to your tunes and comment later. But we're practically neighbors.
  9. -mjk-

    -mjk- Moderator Staff Member

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    OK @Wiiy Kuo, I listened to "Silly" while reading the lyrics. Here is my take:

    I understand you are limited to what you can do on a Tascam DR-40X (assuming that from your profile) but this is mostly about composition. You refer to a "pre-chorus" but it's really the same as the verse. There is not enough "differentiation" in the song between the sections. The pre-chorus is indistinguishable from the verse, so it sounds like a long verse. If the pre-chorus were a different key or the guitar was played with some other technique that would make them sound different. The chorus hook is OK but it isn't strong enough. The high vocals are cool but they sound like more of a background part. Perhaps layering a lower-register voice along with that would help. Also the guitars should drive the song harder during the hook. I don't want to discourage you because you can obviously sing and play very well. I want to encourage you to make it better! Mix it up a bit more and work on strengthening the sections. I've had a great deal of experience with songwriters who sent me demos at the studio and I worked with them to make those songs into records. Many times the songs fall into the same tempo and same guitar patterns. There's gold in there but it has to be dug out.

    The mix is another issue altogether. There is nothing going on spatially that is, there isn't anything happening in the stereo field. The song needs to be made more interesting, sonically. That can be done but you might not have the tools for mixing.
  10. Wiiy Kuo

    Wiiy Kuo New Member

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    @-mjk-
    Hi, thx man, very insightful comment, yeah I can get your point, that's very true, I'll work on it!!! =)))
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  11. -mjk-

    -mjk- Moderator Staff Member

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    I expect an update soon, young man! lol
  12. Arjan P

    Arjan P Veteran

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    Ehm, just a quick idea here.. If you guys are practically neighbours why not put 1 and 1 together? Willy Kuo ft. MJK, sounds good to me! ;)
    -mjk- likes this.
  13. -mjk-

    -mjk- Moderator Staff Member

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    I like it!
  14. BazzBass

    BazzBass Well-Known Member

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    Looking back I realise I wasn't very helpful at all,and I apologise.

    So I had a re-listen to your song.

    You play some very nice fingerpicked guitar here and there, but then it stops.

    I would add a second guitar track with you doing more of this, it will help drive the song along a bit as there are lots a spaces without anything. I know silence is a sound too in music, so some dead space can be a good thing.

    Your voice sounds a bit thin on this recording, try adding reverb or double tracking the vocals, to fill them out a bit more. EQ a little more low end to it too maybe?

    Hope this is more helpful. Keep at it.